Relationships
What Happened?
"When a Relationship Goes Bad."

So often we look at relationships that started out on good terms, a right path and solid communication, but down the road something went wrong—seriously wrong.  There is always the devil to be blamed, but then again he has to have something to work with.  What is it?  What tactics does the devil use to destroy relationships?  How can we foresee his wiles and stop him dead in his tracts?  Ephesians 6:11 teaches us to, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the Devil.”  The wiles of the devil, what are they?
The definition for wiles is, “a sly trick; deceitful artifice; stratagem.  It is a beguiling or coquettish (coquet—to flirt or to strut like a rooster.  To flirt; try to attract attention or admiration; usually said of a woman.  Coquette—a girl or woman who tries to get men’s attention and admiration merely by vanity; flirt.) a trick, basically it is trickery or deceit.”

The definition of devil is, “Accuser, fear.” 

Subtle accusation is one of the ways Satan works to ruin relationship and Paul said that it would take the whole armor of God to stand against his wiles.

Psalm 64 sheds some insight into his wiles.  “Hide me from the secret counsel of the wicked: from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity: who wet their tongue like a sword and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words:  that they may shoot in secret at the perfect: suddenly do they shoot at him, and fear not they search out iniquities; they accomplish a diligent search; both the inward thought of every one of them, and the heart, is deep.”  From this passage we learn that the enemy plots against us and uses our iniquities against us.  What exactly is iniquity?  What does the devil look for to accuse us in the hearts and minds of others?

Iniquity is a very interesting word and it is used a lot throughout the Bible.  In 1 Samuel 15 it says that, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because thou has rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.”  The key word in this passage is rejected.  It seems that iniquity is caused by willful disobedience and disobedience, is caused by rejecting God’s word.  Therefore, the devil uses subtle tactics to cause us to reject God’s word.  He searches the areas of rebellion in our lives.  Most of the time these are areas of lust or selfishness that produce stubbornness or rebellion.  Areas that we do not want to humble ourselves and allow God to change us—often time these areas can be referred to as infirmities.
We look at an infirmity as being sickness or disease.  But the truth is, that an infirmity includes sickness or disease, but it describes a far more personal area of our lives—our character and moral weakness.  One definition states that it is the weak point of a sword.  Knowing that the sword in the Bible often represents our words, we the can relate to the fact that Satan uses words that are misappropriated or foolish against us.  In certain passages Paul refer to our infirmities as “faults” or that which is “offensive” to others.

An infirmity is serious in the sense that it is a weak link in our relationship with God, others, and our selves.  And any area of life that is weak can be wounded, hurt, crushed, or destroyed if enough pressure is applied.  Recently in my hometown, a local bridge began to collapse.  The pressure of the bridge and the constant flow of traffic crossing it caused the steel pillars upholding it to crack.  Now, for those pillars to crack there must have been weakened areas within the pillar itself—and finally those weak areas gave way to the pressure of the bridge itself.  Oddly enough, the weak areas have gone unnoticed until now.  Why?  Because they were hidden within the structure and pillar, itself.  Thus, it is with us.  Often times there are flaws and faults in our inner man that goes unnoticed for years, until the right amount of pressure is applied.  When that happens, not only are we surprised at our reactions—but, so is everyone around us.  Then there are times we are aware of our faults and weakness, but fail to do what is necessary to build them up, be healed of them or protect them from the devil and his wiles.

Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.”  James also says this, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.  The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”  Confession produces accountability and accountability produces protection.  Once a fault or iniquity is brought into the light by confession the devil has nothing to work with.  He can only work with that which is in secret—that which is hidden in the heart of man.  Once it is confessed and prayed about there is a divine light that wraps itself around the fault, and beautiful blood that cleanses man from it.

Now, Psalm 64 teaches us that the devil shoots to wound or kill his victims.  He does a diligent search, finds a weak area and then targets it with bitter words.  Words wound.  Words kill.  There is a saying in Judaism that there are many ways to murder a man, you can use weapons, you can use drugs, or you can use words.  The Bible teaches us that the power of life and death are in the tongue.  What do words wound or kill?  The humanspirit.  The human spirit is where the will of man lives.  It is the place where man’s hopes and dreams abide.  It is the place where man receives the drive to accomplish his purpose and goals here on earth.  It is also the receptor for the voice of God.  The human spirit is the breath and life of man.

When the spirit of a man is whole and healthy he is able to negotiate his weaknesses.  He is able to fight the good fight of faith against the subtle attacks of the enemy.  He is able to wax strong and confident in faith and God’s ability to help him with his infirmities.  Romans 8:26-27 teaches us that, “the Spirit itself helpeth our infirmities:  for we know not what we should pray for as we ought:  but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.”

This is one reason why praying in the Holy Ghost is so important.  Not only does it build your most Holy faith but, the Spirit prays according to the will of God.  It strengthens weak areas in your life.  It gives you the power you need coupled with the Word to overcome and/or strengthen your infirmities, and destroys the works of the devil that are intended to use your infirmities against you.

But when the spirit of a man is wounded, it is very difficult for him to sustain or overcome an infirmity.  Subsequently, until or unless the wound is healed, the devil continually targets that area until there is a large enough breach in a man’s spirit for the devil to destroy a man through his own infirmity.  Proverbs 18:14 says this, “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

It has always been interesting to me the correlation between affliction, sickness, depression, bitterness, etc. and a wounded spirit.  One year after returning from a large conference, I suffered a severe sinus attack.  When I went to the conference I was perfectly healthy, but just prior to leaving I came down with an awful cold/sinus problem. Upon returning to my home church I asked the pastor to pray for me.  After a few seconds of having his hand upon my head he asked me, Kim were you hurt or wounded in the last few days.  I thought about it and God took me back to an incident that wounded my spirit.  I told him yes, and he prayed for God to heal my spirit.  Within moments the sinus problem began to lift and I was completely fine the next day.

Those who are spiritually strong or proud often do not understand the strange behavior or off the wall character manifestations of someone who is wounded.  A wounded person cannot fight against the wiles of the devil in the same way a person who is whole can.  A person who has been repeatedly wounded is like a sitting duck for the devil.  Areas of their spirit lie open and unprotected from accusations and lies.  Once these lies are planted into the minds and hearts of the wounded, they react to situations and circumstances outside of the soundness of God’s word.

Recently there was a couple going through difficulties.  The wife was withdrawing and retreating into a fantasy type world as well as engaging her time in developing other relationships.  The husband felt shut out of her life as well as the feeling that she was having an affair due to her conversations with other men over the Internet.  The manifestation of this out-of-sort character was propagated by a wounded spirit.  The devil had targeted a weakness in her life and the wound came because of the husband’s ignorance to her weaknesses and his own actions and words that applied pressure to those weaknesses.

So, how can we deal with our infirmities?  How can wounded spirits be healed?  How can relationships be repaired and restored?

Job 11:13   says, “If you prepare your heart, and stretch out your hands toward him; if iniquity be in your hand, put it far away, and let not wickedness dwell in your tabernacles.  For then shall you lift up your face without spot; yes, you shall be steadfast, and shall not fear:  because you shall forget your misery, and remember it as waters that pass away:  and your age shall be clearer than the noonday; you shall shine forth, you shall be as the morning.  And you shall be secure, because there is hope; yes, you shall dig about you, and you shall take your rest in safety.  Also you shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid:  yes, many shall make suit unto thee.”

Firstly, we need to recognize the wickedness within our own tabernacle that is attributing to the damage in a relationship.

Secondly, we need to confess it.  James says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed.  The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
Thirdly, we need to bless with out lips.  Blessing restores and heals.  Proverbs teaches us that the right words bring health.  1st Peter 3:8-11 states, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:  not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing:  but contrariwise blessing; knowing that you are thereunto called, that you should inherit a blessing.  For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking guile.”  One of the best ways to bless is to take the weakness the devil has been hammering away at and bless the person with the opposite of the weakness.  If they have a problem with gossip, tale bearing or slander, bless them with righteous fruit from their lips.  Ask God to turn their words into gravel and bless their mouth to keep quite, their eyes to see the beam in their own eyes, and their speech to speak of Him and not others. 
In the fullness of the reality of faith, the key to restoring a relationship, health, finances, godliness, etc. is through possessing the Word of God by meditation and speaking it forth.  What we speak and the corresponding action is the root of all relationship problems therefore, through the cleansing of the heart, we can strive to restore, rebuild and recover all that has been destroyed by the devil and sin.
 
Kim Hadassah Johnson