To what extent should a person be concerned with his own welfare, with his "self"?

One alone can experience oneself. I am myself. The most loving wife or friend cannot share my pain, experience my anxiety, or suffer my death. Where a man's relationship to G-d is involved, a man/woman must do for himself. My father's learning cannot replace my obligation to learn. I must do my own praying and give my own charity. If I am not for myself, who will-indeed, who could be for me?

On the other hand, if you do become concerned with yourself what are you? Can you really be effective? Can you solve your own problems? Can you overcome your anxieties? Can you do all you are supposed to do? Furthermore, there is the danger of becoming all wrapped up in ourselves to the point where we become only concerned with our own salvation, and we cease to worry about the welfare of others. Is my ego, my self, so supremely important that I should be so concerned about it? It has bee said, 'a man wrapped up in himself makes a small package. Hillel expresses the idea over 2,000 years ago:

"And when I am for myself exclusively, what am I."

There are two profound contrasting thoughts being expressed in the above. 1) the individual's nothingness and 2) his unique worth. King David penned the words, "What is man that you are mindful of him?" and "You have made him a little lower than the angels." (Psalm 8:5,6) The second contrast is between man's obligation to himself and to his fellowman. We must work with both sides of existences as there is no extremes in either that can be followed as a rule.

During the rejoicing of the "drawing of water" - water libation, on the festival of Sukkos, Hillel would declare, "If I am here, everyone is here." In one sense, if I, Hillel am here at this ecstatic rejoicing; if I am imbibing the holy spirit, becoming inspired and uplifted; if my soul is achieving it fulfillment-then surely, "all is here": the rejoicing has fulfilled its purpose.

Yet, clearly, there is a sense in which it does not follow that because Hillel is here, everyone is here.

Consider a person's attitude toward an election. You may feel that your voice is unimportant: it could hardly influence the final outcome. Yet, if every "I" felt and did the same thing, there would be no election at all. Similarly, many people shirk responsibility, saying, "What does it matter if I do not join or do not attend? The affair, or the organization, will go on without me!" Perhaps this is so, but if everyone said that and stayed home, there would be no organization. A person must always judge his choice of action by asking himself whether it would be good were everyone to do the same.

Hillel's words are to be understood: If every person would say, "I am here," then indeed "everyone would be present." If each individual would perfect himself, the rest will take care of itself.

In the above, Hillel may be speaking of the need to correct oneself and be self-critical. There are some things that even your best friend will not tell you. In fact, because he is a friend he may not correct you for fear of losing your friendship. Hence, "If I am not for myself, if I do not take myself in hand and improve my ways, who will be for me?" On the other hand, "if I am only for myself," if I too fall prey to the conspiracy of silence and do not correct others, then I am not fulfilling my obligation. Torah tells us, "You shall surely rebuke your fellow" Lev. 19:17. If he is truly a friend, he will appreciate it as something tended to benefit him.

And if not now, when?

Human experience has confirmed this truth again and again. Through the ages, perceptive thinkers have echoed this thought. Some three hundred years ago, William Congreve wrote, "Defer not to tomorrow to be wise; tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise!" Procrastination is indeed one of our mortal enemies.

In Tehillim (Psalms 90:12) we find deeper thought, if we examine the words, "Teach us well to number our days, that we may acquire a heart of wisdom." What is the usual way of counting our days? We normally say, for example, that a man is so many years old. Is this really of great significance? Does this tell us about his life or about the possible nearness of his death? Actually, every minute he has existed on earth was a minute moving toward death. Let us say you are traveling to Atlantic City, and it is about 100 miles away. After driving ten miles you pass a sign which reads, "Atlantic City-90 miles." You travel another ten miles and you see another sign, "Atlantic City-80 miles." What method of counting is being used here? Not the number of miles you have already traveled, but the number of miles you still have to go to reach your destination. This is the procedure that the Psalmist suggests: "Teach us well to number our days." Do not emphasize the days that are passed: They are gone; rather stress the days that still belong to you - the days that lie ahead.

If we can truly adjust our thinking to this fundamental point of view, we will be able to "acquire a heart of wisdom"; we will be able to plan our life with good sense. Suppose a person is reaching the end of a long weekend away and has only fifty dollars left; if he realizes that the cost to travel home is thirty-five dollars, he will certainly budget very carefully and not squander his remaining money on meaningless trifles. Similarly, when a man becomes sharply conscious of the fact that his time on earth is limited, he may think twice before he fritters away his time chasing shadows. Killing time is true murder. Money that is lost can be regained, but our days, once they are passed, can never be brought back. When we realize how precious time is we will strive to manage our days with frugality and wisdom.

The Chofetz Chaim compares the average human in managing his life to a person on vacation writing to his friend on a picture postcard. At the top go the date, the salutation, and the usual formal introduction-and before he has gotten around to writing what he really wanted to, he suddenly realizes with a sickening feeling that he has no more room! He has come to the end of the card! Desperate, the writer frantically begins to print in tiny letters; he turns the card over and attempts to write even in the margin.

Does not man cut the same pathetic figure as he manages his life? In our early years we "scribble" away so much of our time in trivia, in nonsense, in activities with no lasting meaning. Suddenly, with a shock, we awake to the awful truth that life is a "picture postcard" with deceptively little time, and that we haven't even begun to do the job for which we were placed on this earth.

Scripture reports that, "the decedent of Yissachar had an understanding of the time" How was their "understanding" manifested? Tradition tells us that the tribe of Yissachar worked out an arrangement with the tribe of Zebulon. Zevulun's men engaged in trade and commerce and supported the scholars of Yissachar, who devoted all their time to the Torah. As true partners they shared in all the "profits": Yissachar received material support, and Zevulun received a share in the mitzvah (commandments and good deeds) of studying the Torah (Bible, i.e. 5 books of Moses written and oral). Note, then, that because the people of Yissachar spent all their time on Torah alone, Scripture attests that they had "an understanding of time": they understood how precious time is, and they put it to the best possible use.

The Torah commands, "Before an aged person, rise" as a sign of respect (Lev. 19:32). Some commentators give a striking interpretation: "Before you become an aged person, rise." In other words, do not wait until you are well advanced in years before turning to Torah. Elevate yourself, rise in spirituality before old age set in by degrees. Do not say, I will start observing the Sabbath (or other commandments, etc.) when I retire from business; or, I will start attending prayer services when I have children. "If not now, when?" How can you be sure that you will reach that period in life? Or that if you do, you will be able to accomplish these things which you are neglecting now? Rise, elevate yourself now, before the years slip away into old age, leaving you fixed in your habits.

We have already referred to the verse, "It is time to act for the Lord; they have nullified Your Torah" (Tehillim-Psalm 119:126). It can now be interpreted in accordance with this thought: Those who claim that they have time to act for the Lord, for they are still young, and they will observe the mitzvos (commandments) later in life, refusing meanwhile to sanctify the present - they are, in spite of their pious expectations, nullifying Torah. (i.e. young people who have been 'born again' and/or have been raised with Truth).

The dictum, "If not now, when," applies also to specific requests for aid and assistance. Shlomo-Solomon tells us, "Do not say to your neighbor go and return, and tomorrow I will give" (Mishlei-Proverbs 3:28). If a friend comes to borrow something, do not needlessly put him off merely to delay giving. Very often, although we know full well that we will ultimately give the donation or lend the tool, we deliberately delay and procrastinate so as not to make it too easy for the other fellow. Some of us are extremely fearful of appearing as a "softie." This says tradition, is not right. Do it now for there may not be a tomorrow. Our time is not our own. We must not, therefore, take it for granted.

The Talmud relates a tragic consequence of neglecting the absolute demand of "now." Nachum, a great Sage, was riding with his donkeys laden with food and provisions, when a poor man appeared on the road and begged him for something to eat. The Sage agreed but asked the man to wait until he unloaded the donkey. As Nachum was unloading the beast, the poor man collapsed and died! We are confronted by challenges throughout our lives, and we can never know how vital the time element may be. Let us bear in mind: "if not now, when?"

Hadassah Johnson